Tiger, I'm volunteering to be your next caddie
I’d like to officially throw my hat in the ring for a new job.
The newspaper racket is suffering, I’m up to my ears in the Internet and a 24-hour news cycle, and my golf game has gone to hell in the interim.
But I think I have a shot at curing all these problems with a single job-switch.
I noticed there is an employment opportunity in the golf world. I’ve always harbored a secret desire to ditch this shirt and tie and make my living from golf. I’m certainly not going to do it with my play.
So I hereby declare my candidacy to be Tiger Woods’ new caddie.
If you haven’t heard, Tiger dumped the guy who has been on his bag for all but one of his majors. And he did it right here in Delaware County, during the recent AT&T National at Aronimink Country Club in Newtown Square.
Apparently Tiger was not all that thrilled that Steve Williams had picked up some work during Tiger’s hiatus with Adam Scott.
For those of you who don’t follow the game, Tiger has been on the shelf ever since he tried to come back at the Players, only to walk off the course after nine un-Tiger-like holes. He’s still nursing a bum knee and ankle, and missed both the U.S. Open and British Open. He was here at Aronimink, but only as a host, not as a player.
You could tell by the galleries. People do not come to see Tiger talk, they come to seem him do what very few people on the planet can do, play golf at a superhuman level.
The problem has been that Tiger lately has been proving all too human.
There was that ugly little trip down the driveway that ended up with his car resting against the mailbox.
What followed was right out of the pages of the National Enquirer. Tiger was tamed by a harem of linxes who came out of the woodwork to admit they had been intimately familiar with his lair.
Of course, Tiger did the only thing any red-blooded American could do in such a situation: He called a televised press conference to apologize.
Then he went into rehab.
His golf game is still in rehab. He has not won since, and people now are not so sure of what was not that long ago considered a lock, that Woods would shatter Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major victories. Woods is still stuck on 14.
The parting with his good friend Williams apparently was not exactly amicable. Williams posted a statement on his website saying the move came as a ‘shock’ and that he was ‘disappointed.’
Tiger, I’d be honored to carry your bag.
And I just might be able to give you a few pointers for handling those pesky members of the press.
Usually waving a 2-iron at them will do the trick.
I’d like to officially throw my hat in the ring for a new job.
The newspaper racket is suffering, I’m up to my ears in the Internet and a 24-hour news cycle, and my golf game has gone to hell in the interim.
But I think I have a shot at curing all these problems with a single job-switch.
I noticed there is an employment opportunity in the golf world. I’ve always harbored a secret desire to ditch this shirt and tie and make my living from golf. I’m certainly not going to do it with my play.
So I hereby declare my candidacy to be Tiger Woods’ new caddie.
If you haven’t heard, Tiger dumped the guy who has been on his bag for all but one of his majors. And he did it right here in Delaware County, during the recent AT&T National at Aronimink Country Club in Newtown Square.
Apparently Tiger was not all that thrilled that Steve Williams had picked up some work during Tiger’s hiatus with Adam Scott.
For those of you who don’t follow the game, Tiger has been on the shelf ever since he tried to come back at the Players, only to walk off the course after nine un-Tiger-like holes. He’s still nursing a bum knee and ankle, and missed both the U.S. Open and British Open. He was here at Aronimink, but only as a host, not as a player.
You could tell by the galleries. People do not come to see Tiger talk, they come to seem him do what very few people on the planet can do, play golf at a superhuman level.
The problem has been that Tiger lately has been proving all too human.
There was that ugly little trip down the driveway that ended up with his car resting against the mailbox.
What followed was right out of the pages of the National Enquirer. Tiger was tamed by a harem of linxes who came out of the woodwork to admit they had been intimately familiar with his lair.
Of course, Tiger did the only thing any red-blooded American could do in such a situation: He called a televised press conference to apologize.
Then he went into rehab.
His golf game is still in rehab. He has not won since, and people now are not so sure of what was not that long ago considered a lock, that Woods would shatter Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major victories. Woods is still stuck on 14.
The parting with his good friend Williams apparently was not exactly amicable. Williams posted a statement on his website saying the move came as a ‘shock’ and that he was ‘disappointed.’
Tiger, I’d be honored to carry your bag.
And I just might be able to give you a few pointers for handling those pesky members of the press.
Usually waving a 2-iron at them will do the trick.
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